Things are changing . The earth seems to turn faster than usual . And sometimes i feel like , i can't keep up . struggling to keep up . And as i struggle to keep up , i tend to lose my faith .
Falling into sin and temptation . And the more times i fall into sin , the darker it gets .
I have to squint my eyes to watch where i am walking . I feel like i'm falling into any big dark hole soon . But the trouble lies within me . It's not that God is not here . It's not that God is not sticking out His mighty arm to catch me . But rather it seems like , i'm the one pushing Him away . For it is said , one shall only have ONE master . If i constantly choose the path of sin , i shall be a slave to my master (sin ) . I find it pathetic and silly . Like the prodigal son . He could choose to continue to stay in His Father's house but yet he chose to be in the barns eating the food of the swine . In His Father's House , He is a SON . A rich SON . and yet , he chose to be with the swine and be a slave . Now , i feel so lost . So blinded . but , i'm not giving up yet . In fact , i don't think i'm going to give up at all .
Yesterday . How blessed am I ? To encounter the loving Lord in His Holy Banquet speaking to me ? Without sin , how can one repent and be closer to the Father ? I have fallen asleep . How fast can that be ? Being so intimate with the Father less than a month ago , and now i have fallen asleep . Just like yesterday's Gospel , I wasn't vigilant and the darnel has started to grow with the wheats. But , with God , nothing is impossible . NOTHING . (:
I have realize . now , it's to acknowledge .
To bring what is hidden to the open . And the rest ? leave it to God and the Son and the Spirit (:
For what i am stuck with now , is to bring what is hidden to the open .
Feeling scared . Feeling upset . But i have to choose . For again it is said .
"Narrow is the road to heaven but wide and broad is the gate to destruction" .
I have walked down the road to destruction , damn . It sure was easier to walk down that road .But it was never as joyful as the road i try to make down to heaven (:
That road , though narrow .. Was always joyful and beautiful (:
Peace be with all of you my loving brothers and sisters (:
What i have shared above is what went through me today , yesterday and perhaps , the few weeks ago . I am very sure , many of you are similarly like me , trying to fight temptation .
Trying to stay awake . But as we are struggling with our work , with our studies , with our daily commitments ... we have fallen asleep in our faith and without realizing , we have already push God so far . As the sins we carry, stop us from God . So brothers and sisters (:
Lets set aside today , the sabbath day which we should keep holy . Lets set aside perhaps 30mins to an hour . Reading the scripture and coming into prayer . Asking God to help us realize the sins we are struggling with and giving us the courage to acknowledge and bringing what is hidden to light . Light ? What light ? Bring your sins to light as in going to reconciliation (: It's the hardest . Always is . But if we pray . We ask for strength . What you ask for in prayer , shall be given to you , especially if it is a prayer said with a humble contrite heart (: And as we pray for ourself , let us not forget to pray for our other brother and sisters. Let us pray for them to have the courage , serenity and wisdom (:
And keep this in mind . Jesus and the Loving Father said ..
"NOTHING you ever do , will make me love you any less" .
And that is how Big Our Father's love is for us . We don't have to work to gain this Love . We just have to open up our hearts to receive this Amazing Love (:
If God is for us , who else can be against us ?
In His Amazing and Awesome Love ,
Rebecca (:
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